Hello I’m Chris Prenatt, I listened to it so you don’t have to.
40 years ago, progressive rock band Pink Floyd released their masterpiece The Wall, a rock opera about a musician named Pink who builds a metaphorical wall around himself after dealing with multiple problems in his life. Bassist Roger Waters created the character Pink based on himself and former guitarist Syd Barrett. Several of the problems Pink faces were also situations Waters went through, such as their dads dying in WWII and being mistreated at school. The album was a massive hit.
Three years later, the album was turned into a film called Pink Floyd – The Wall. The film followed the album and was seen as a great film according to critics. It’s since obtained a cult status.
37 years later, the Italian born YouTuber Doug Walker, known online as the Nostalgia Critic, decided to “review” the film. And by review, I mean parody, horribly. The 40 minute video has since been torn apart by people online, having 16k likes compared to 29k dislikes.
But we’re not talking about the video, oh no. We’re talking about the album he released along with the review. Yes, Doug Walker, along with music YouTuber Rob Scallon and Grammy award winning metal vocalist Corey Taylor of Slipknot and Stone Sour, made a parody version of The Wall called Nostalgia Critic’s The Wall. The 15 track album tries to add in comedy while pointing out the film’s apparent flaws. However, there’s one issue: it sucks.
Poorly mixed, godawful lyrics, jokes that Amy Schumer wouldn’t bother to steal, and the tone-deaf vocals supplied by Walker himself (along with the lyrics, go figure), Nostalgia Critic’s The Wall is the definition of cringe.
The immediate problems about the album can be found with the first song “In The Floyd,” a parody of “In The Flesh?”. The instruments done by Scallon are subpar at best, but Scallon doing subpar stuff is absolutely shocking. This is coming from the musician who has made some incredible songs and videos and has his own signature guitar. Everything feels like it was mixed in a rush, as if the album had to be ready by yesterday. Scallon trying to play guitarist David Gilmour’s power chords sounds awful, and this guy can play the guitar like a god. The hell went wrong?
Continuing, Doug’s “jokes” are flatter than a crêpe, sounding like the kind of shit 7-year-old boys would make. Seriously, “Is There Anybody Who Cares?” instead of “Is Anybody Out There?”, what the fuck? That’s not funny at all, dear god. These titles are beyond terrible, like “We Need More Victimization,” “So Long, Weird Song,” and “The Song After This One Is Really Good.”
One of the worst jokes has to be from “We Need More Victimization.” If you know the original context about “Another Brick In The Wall Part 2,” unlike Walker, you’ll know that it’s about the issues he dealt with in school in post-WWII UK in the 50s and 60s. For some reason, Walker thinks that Waters is just bitching about school like everyone does, singing, “Well oh well we got another hit in the wall / L-O-L so school sucks grow a damn pair of balls…You hated school, who the hell didn’t? / Whats next? Hating DMV’s? / Hey Waters leave it all to me / All in all, complaining doesn’t mean much at all / But who cares, its just a cool song in the wall / We don’t need to hear you, cunt / What unique boys to say schools lame.” Hey Doug, Waters’s teachers used to hit him, and you have the fucking gull to compare that to the modern U.S. education system? Are you fucking daft? The lack of research and caring is just astounding. Fuck sakes.
Now let’s talk about Walker’s vocals, or lack thereof. The way he sings is the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. His squeals are just nerve-racking and putrid. And he sings on every single song, minus two, and those two tracks are like a symphony compared to whatever the fuck he thinks singing is.
Everything about this “comedy” album rubs me the wrong way. If there’s one thing to know about a comedy album, it’s supposed to be funny. Well Walker somehow missed that memo because this is the farthest thing from funny. Nothing on this album will make you laugh. Instead, you’ll just cringe throughout, praying to whatever god you believe in that this hell will eventually end. And you got Corey Taylor of Slipknot to sing the Spongebob Squarepants theme song cause it’s “funny?” Fuck you, man.
The only good track that I will say has to be “Fennah’s The Trial.” In the video, this song is animated by YouTuber FENNAH, who makes some beautiful, strange looking animations. The only reason this song is tolerable are the different singers on the song, greatly overshadowing the shit Walker spewed out. But the lyrics as usual are bad. Go figure.
Overall, it’s one big pile of shit. It’s not worth your time, it wasn’t worth my time, fuck, it’s not worth anyone’s time. You know how the CIA tortured terrorists at Guantánamo Bay with bad songs by Eminem, Nine Inch Nails, and Britney Spears? Well, they should add Nostalgia Critic’s The Wall due to how torturing the album is.
I’m not even a huge fan of Pink Floyd, but this cancer made me appreciate the band even more. Doug, never do music again. Ever.
Punk Goes Prenatt 